The physical manifestation can be painful or might not have any sensation at all. Sometimes it comes and goes with the weather. That is all as i would expect a savage to show itself. Weak and strong at the same time, surprising one for no reason other than an ability to show itself as an opportunity. No intent is needed for the physical showing, believe me it just happens.
The rest of the savage cancer is emotional, this is the one that hangs out, wants to cozy up and hung out. It knows when you are at your most vulnerable and hangs on tighter then because that is when the savage gets the most life force from you. What do you do? Hang on tight is all. This can be bumpy. The trick for me come from a Zen practice called Practicde. This simply means not resisting. Acknowledge it is there, define it, but don't fight it, let it traverse your heart and mind like a breeze through your spring window shade. No it is not easy, no i cannot do it on desire, but the practice is what you need.
10mm growth on 2 dimensions. It looks as if another surgery will be the best option. This is not certain yet, the surgeon will be the deciding factor, but from the oncologist visit on friday he was leaning toward it and expected the surgeon to follw suit.
I do not want radiation. I do not want infusion. Luckily both of these options are beneath surgery as an option.
Oh my boys, my boys.....
Can i get a little Practicde!
I have been feeling some things change in my physical attributes over the last 3 + weeks or so, for better or worse, who knows, my vision has changed, my ability to read has changed, finding words has changed, and More!! My fingers crossed to the fact that one more MRI before surgery shows pseudoprogression is the issue, not progression. I see this as a real viable option, but the MRI would have to be but off until just before surgery.
I think i have more to say but imonna stop for now post back and i'll catch ya latter.
love yall
Jeff
"Practicde"...... by the definition you have given sounds more like ...... ya I understand the final outcome and no matter what I do the outcome will be the same SO WHY FIGHT please tell m me that I am misunderstanding. Because you fight for your kids, for your wife, your father, your sisters, but mostly FOR YOURSELF. Attitude is so important it may not change the end result, but, it will give you a sense of power and control and.........I just want to see that same fight we saw in the hospital. I realize you are going through things, I, we could never understand that this is a heavy load to carry and you are tired. I think if you fight the mental exhaustion you may in turn gain more, more energy, more control. Think of it like physics the more you put out the more you out gain.....you know all that crap you were reading about before this ugly thing entered your body. You have a huge cheering section to stand beside you, yelling FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT..........we love you little brother
ReplyDeleteAll my love
Kathy
I can't sum it up any better than Aunt K above... And don't forget your nieces and nephews. Some of them might not quite completely "understand" (not that any of us can - only you really know) what is actually happening ... but they're still behind you. And those that do, Uncle J, are right next to you ... praying..Love you.
ReplyDeleteYour nephew R
It's more a way of allowing pain or negative feelings to flow through you rather grabbing on to it and fighting. Try to let it flow rather than fight it.
ReplyDeleteI agree. You do need to let it flow thru you. To let it over take you would be to let it control you. Never give up the control. If you need a break take a break then regain your focus and move forward doing what you need to do.
ReplyDelete