Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Sharp Pointy Things


All edges have the ability to cut. Especially things that are designed to cut, but we all know about those and taught from an early age keep your hands off, moms and dads teach kids about these things early on. Along with hot things off the stove or barb, don't jump from high up you'll get hurt, the bathtub gets slippery when it's wet, don't stick things in electrical outlets, stay away from stray dogs, check the expiration date on milk, so mane little thing. You can share the list and give many more but at some point the youngster needs to learn the difference on there own, there's just too much, common sense needs to  needs to rule, but that's another one that youngsters need to learn about, this one pretty much on their own.

I remember as a kid the object lessons i learned. My problem was with burns, barbs, bonfire, fireworks, I even lit a Molotov Cocktail one time. Lucky noon ever got hurt (except me) . I wonder if anyone else had the same type of numskull issues. I was a bad child headed for no place good, lucky for me i wound up in the Navy before any real damage was done. I still had authority issues, but on a different scale, and no one was going to get hurt by me staying absent for an extra 24 hours.

And then we learn. With hope the important lessons are short, succinct and painless with no one getting hurt or even wounded by misrepresentation. We can change our minds like clouds on a over day. We do what we want and move on.

So (my favorite expression) here we are. The more what changes? as am adult not too much, but as a child we're still malleable or relay-dough. As an older gentleman changes come and go, with urgency, or not. Youngsters, on the other-hand, tend to take it all very serious. Lacking the ability, or desire to assess a situation and take whatever action is appropriate

My advice is to figure it out on the fly, it can be a rough start but you get the opportunity to participate, also: don't cry, have a conversation about it, ask "what the heck are you talking about?" even say F-You (yes, saying that will  gets more respect than others replies,), respectfully dismiss "your crazy"  There are hundreds of appropriate responses, none of the entail running out of the room.  All of theses things put you on a footing  of equal situation rather than being victim.

One last thing comes to mind: the difference between men and women when it comes to disputes. What i am referring to is the style of lessons. The world would be a much different place if we (men) thought, acted and behaved. We are taught differences as boys and girls by mom's and dad's as we grow. The issue comes in when daddy leaves, or is around for some abbreviated amount of tum. Then you need to figure it out on your own, but you can do it.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Hi everyone

Good Morning everyone

Pardo bad spelling.

The surgery on saturday was really be done awake and painless. It was exceptionally painful, it really. I just laid there for an hour crying out why doud it hurt so bad, finally the DR sa


Friday, October 18, 2013

Almost there!

But where? That is the question.

Leaving for Disney tomorrow, met with Dr Soo yesterday. Both are interesting topics so i'm nit sure which one to discuss first.

Theres always fun to discuss a Disney adventure. We are leaving tomorrow afternoon really looking forward to it. Even the travel will be fun, Mitchell is the travel expert for Reese since he flew once about 12 years ago.

Not sure where to go next with this.

Dr Soo is recommending surgery on the Saturday we come back from our trip. This is the surgery where they keep you awake so they can monitor the progress as they perform their process. Kinda intimidating.

He emphasized the fact that this thing doubles in size each month if left untreated, so we will be doing some treatment. Did i mention i'll be awake during the treatment? Yikes

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Cancer is a Savage

The cancer that eats at a person comes in all shapes and forms.

The physical manifestation can be painful or might not have any sensation at all. Sometimes it comes and goes with the weather. That is all as i would expect a savage to show itself. Weak and strong at the same time, surprising one for no reason other than an ability to show itself as an opportunity. No intent is needed for the physical showing, believe me it just happens.

The rest of the savage cancer is emotional, this is the one that hangs out, wants to cozy up and hung out. It knows when you are at your most vulnerable and hangs on tighter then because that is when the savage gets the most life force from you. What do you do? Hang on tight is all. This can be bumpy. The trick for me come from a Zen practice called Practicde.  This simply means not resisting. Acknowledge it is there, define it, but don't fight it, let it traverse your heart and mind like a breeze through your spring window shade.  No it is not easy, no i cannot do it on desire, but the practice is what you need.
Here's the low down!

10mm growth on 2 dimensions. It looks as if another surgery will be the best option. This is not certain yet, the surgeon will be the deciding factor, but from the oncologist visit on friday he was leaning toward it and expected the surgeon to follw suit.

I do not want radiation. I do not want infusion. Luckily both of these options are beneath surgery as an option.

Oh my boys, my boys.....

Can i get a little  Practicde!

I have been feeling some things change in my physical attributes over the last 3 + weeks or so, for better or worse, who knows, my vision has changed, my ability to read has changed, finding words has changed, and More!! My fingers crossed to the fact that one more MRI before surgery shows pseudoprogression is the issue, not progression. I see this as a real viable option, but the MRI would have to be but off until just before surgery.

I think i have more to say but imonna stop for now post back and i'll catch ya latter.

love yall

Monday, October 7, 2013

Back in the day....

I remember back in 1995 i moved from San Diego to a city called Melbourne, FL. For reasons that i would like to keep discreet it was the best thing for me at that time, it's what some people would call a Geographic. In this context a geographic has a very specific meaning.

When I first moved out there i had detroit leftover in me, young, thuggish, recreational drug user all kinds of nonsense. I was a pressman by trade and was lucky enough to be able to find work running a printing press just about anywhere. To make me double lucky i found work at a small print shop at i will call EP.

At the time it was just another paycheck and i could leave at any time. But over the course of my first year at this run of the mill printshop something began to change. I began to notice that the owner and her husband were genuinely good people. They had a concern for my well being and i wasn't sure why.

One day it dawned on me that the concern they had wasn't for me necessarily, they were just being themselves, Good People.

The reason i am bringing this up is because after 10 years we are going to be in their neighborhood and i am very excited to introduce them to my family and show off my beautiful wife and kids. I don't think i would be here with B, M, and R with if it weren't for the example that F and S showed me. I feel like i owe them a lot and for this i thank them.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Sunday Papers for 9/29

It looks as if our boys are on hot streaks.
They both played yesterday and won again. They get pretty excited. This puts Mitchell at 3 and 1 and 
Reese at 4 and 0.
Pretty proud of them!

There is a lot of practice that goes into these games and they are working their buts off so they deserve the winns.

So for us this week it has been a not too exciting week, it seems as if you could classify it as maintenance on the medical front. We started both chemos again on monday, one of them runs 5 days one runs 7. (I know i have mentioned this before but the 5 day course strikes me as a little convenient. They did the five day treatment for the radiatio as well, monday through friday.

We had a follow up mri at the end of last week and we got mixed messages about the determination. The physician that looked at the results said he say a progression while my physician was lees sure, so we have another one scheduled for next week. This should be the one to pay attention to.

Since we started the new chemo course i have noticed changes in my illness:
  • My vision from my left-occipital log seems to be deteriorated.
  • Headaches are constant, even though medications
  • My higher level word processing is either worse or just pointed out, embarrassingly so, by my speech pathologist. (Which is really what i would expect from her, find the issues and address the directly)
So i chalk this up to just a normal recovery process right, Optimistic Doctors, Optimistic Bec and myself. No problem.

But thoughts need to be addressed: this thing IS gonna get the better of me eventually. Preparations need to be made just contemplating the list is overwhelming. The afterlife is not for me, that goes to my survivors, but the ideas and goals and hopes and plans and memories and mistakes made, these are mine to share.

But where to start? I have a list started in another forum, but it's a list and that is not the proper format for sharing. I think once that these details will start to come out before too long and i will share as much as i can with my readers but for the most part they will be hand written in the journal that LittleS gave me a while back. That should be the perfect forum i think.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good Sunday, B is making bacon and eggs and muffins (she is the best) and i am starving!!!!!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Back to Basics

Today i restart my chemo for a month.

There are two different meds starting, one runs for 30 days straight, and on only for 5 days, (again with the weekends off, how convenient for Timodar). Anyway, not really looking forward to it, i am just want to sleet to 4 to 5 hours sleep a day, i can only hope that the sleeping issue is from radiation and not the chemo, cause i really really want to feel better.

Have a good day!