Higher Education.....

At 48 years old I felt as if I knew some stuff.

Geographically speaking I have been around the world (almost) (go US Navy!), lived in all 4 corners of the US, as well as the high-desert of Northern-Nevada ("The Biggest Little City in the World"), the Low-Desert of Southern Nevada (what happened there stayed there).

Emotionally speaking it has been a ride as well. I don't want to bore you with those details. But the big picture looks like I have lived what looks like three lives. 

My first life included an ill fated marriage but  got me two of the most wonderful kids you could imagine, they have dropped everything to be here with me during this time of questions. Regardless of my questionable parenting skills when they were younger, they came here..they are here..and apparently the forgive me for being a complete disaster as a father while they were younger. 

My middle life was a death. I remember thinking during this timeframe that a person only actually exists to the extent that they have connections to others. That if I removed myself from all personal interaction, except for paying taxes and working there would be no Jeff L. in the world. At this time that was not an unpleasant idea. There was nothing good or bad for me, I was irrelevant, sounds bad? Not really, think of it a  Satori Experience. (It can actually be quite freeing, not to act upon but to enable a true sense of self to appear, who are you once the constraints are released???) I went for 6-7 years with no authentic connection to anyone including family, it was all mechanical motion and reflex, very odd.

My third life is here and NOW. This is where I have finally began to learn some stuff. I am an emotional idiot these days , call it what you will, chemical, physiological, psychological, NDE induced, whatever you call it it is. To me it is. This third life has taught me some things even before i got sick. My B opened my eyes to a world full of choices and opportunities. My (youngest) boys reminded me what unconditional love is. My B's family show me constantly how to be accepting and caring of different ideas, because we are more than just beliefs and views, we are "real-people". My own family has showed consistent and constant and outpouring of "what can I do to help?" mentality, even with their own issues, as concerning as my own, thank you Shir.

The most remarkable thing i have learned in the last month is that there is an amazing subset of people in the world that give-a-shit. And even beyond people, there are organisations that, somehow, seem to care as well. How in the world can an organisation care? Must be some sort of profit motive, right? Maybe, maybe not, whichever it is, it is.

The generosity of people toward me and my family since the GBM continues to amaze me. The people from AHIS have been beyond anything I thought was possible, a certain car company that we financed our Flex through left me speechless yesterday through their unwarranted and unprovoked generosity,  Baker College (where I am one term shy of graduating) came through in an unbelieveable fashion, (thank you Don Torline). 

Where have I been my whole life? How did I not know that this type of empathy and compassion actually existed? I knew it intellectually but it never became assimilated into my life. 

Something tells me that my true higher education began on June 6th, 2013 and my run a little longer than expected.

Thank you all for listening.